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Sunday, December 31, 2006

...2007 and the rest of my life!


...Right...


It's the first time in my life that I actually went to sleep on 22:00 PM on December 31 2006, yes! I'm such a punker that I decided to simple doze off into 2007 in a dream style and not in an over paid, overrated ridicules public social event.

It's true that I woke up at 00:00 when world war 3 happen outside my doorstep and all over the land, what a wonderful display of ammunition, what a waste of good money and what a horrifying river of noise. I felt back in Vietnam, looked like a regular afternoon in central Baghdad...and the smell, truly a unique gun powder aroma...

Anyway, it's about 00:36 and I'm sitting here in front of my favorite piece of machinery and I'm writing a blog while pretty much everyone I know is outside celebrating and so on and so on..this year it's a bit different for me.

I had a very powerful mind breaking meditation early on today and I really came up with a clear vision of how I should continue my life on earth, I realise that I want to change many things, well..not that many but defiantly some issues which I have been boggling with for many many years now..i found out that if I won't find the strength to make a change now, I probably never will, that thought alone made me feel weak and lost. I didn't like that feeling, even if I knew it so well.

So I decided to let go of social pressures and stand up for what I think is best for me, I done it before but never on such a special event, a date which by god means we all know that it's a must to celebrate, to rave and be merry. Truth is, The day don't mean a thing, just because it's on the calendar followed by a lunar cycle and everybody follows it don't mean you must do too! I realise that I can party and feel happy every day, I can celebrate and make new resolutions any day of the year, and on the 31 of December I can sleep or party like never before, it really doesn't meter.

Honestly I picked this day specially since the past few weeks I have been going nuts about my life and the way I wish to take it to the next level, yes! I do see levels in one's life, I sure do see levels in my own life, like a staircase going up, even if sometimes I feel like I'm falling it's still falling up. I choose this day because it's easy, it's convenient and I'm sure I'm not the only one. A new year, put the old one aside, pretty easy date to fix things in your life, well, you better have determination because you will need it.

The changes I want to make are not for the next 365 days, I want them to be for as long as I live, so I guess I will need a much bigger pile of strength and determination that I though. The point is to start, to have the main idea of a change, to move forward and simply not give up! I know it's too easy to say it then to actually do it, but I believe it's possible, specially after seeing it happen in my life quite a few times..


I think it's called faith in oneself...god could be involve also on this, so you better believe in something..


It's almost 1:15 in the morning and the fire squad is still exploding outside but the feeling of happy happy joy joy is fading away, people getting back to their lives, maybe with a Huge hang over building up for tomorrows morning or simply being shit faced already, maybe some only start to enjoy themselves after the 12:00 o'clock rush and maybe some didn't even leave the couch. My life looks the same as before, but something inside of my feel a bit different, some weird sense of self is growing, some awareness of being, some responsibility of my own thoughts and actions..it's small but it's bigger then an hour ago..i think it's me, the real one this time, the soul...i think I'm on the right track for a change..i think this will be a turning point in my so called life...i think this is it..I guess only time will tell...


...happy new year ! And much much more...

Much love and success on your life's quest..
Adida The Fallen Angel..

Saturday, December 30, 2006

...A letter to a friend with the same name..


... I guess after using so much drugs at the end I just don't need it anymore, and I found out once my brain has opened it's 3rd eye I can't go higher with drugs anymore...it backdraft on me...so I guess my karma with drugs is quite over...sweet.
There where times I was so hooked on it that I didn't see the light, I didn't even knew there was a light..I knew one day will come and it will start to change..i love change, shows me that things are moving, shows me that life can be altered to so many directions in which a special strong soul can move to...makes me stronger just thinking about that..
Recentner oneself is the best ! I do it once or twice a day, I must..there are so many things I wish to accomplish that I would go nuts if I didn't chill myself and check myself before I rack myself, Yo!
I must say that I think you are a very wise soul, not many on earth these days, at least not many that take the time to look behind the mirror and see if the picture works for them, I see great future in those who have their eyes open..i truly do..
As for being a vegi...probebly the smartest thing I did (after stopping drinking alcohol !!!) It made me apprise simple food, it made me learn to cook and see the beautiful world of vegetables and fruits...i never been more healthy in my life..i love cooking ! So much fun...and the energy you get once you cook with love...super power !!! this is the best time of my life...i worked for it, I pray for it and I made it happen, none of this would work if I didn't believe in myself, and believing and communication with god made me have faith and hope even when I was down and drowning ! I'm so in love with life and so aware about death and life after all this nonsense brain fucking, I'm so into eternal energy and hidden magic, true that I feel alienated most of the day but I do feel connected in a real strong vibe to this place and it's souls..i know karma very well...so I take care with my business on earth...i'm going to heaven no matter what !

what's my next project !?? well, working at the tattoo art studio will give me plenty of work..making designs and T shirts, updating the site, networking...i hope it will be the bomb and it will bring good clients and new friends...some cash would be sweet too...
I'm totally fixing my life now, cleaning the soul, the house, my mind and heart...it's this time of year! I'm uploading my movies to my video page and also Youtube simply because I have so many visual projects and they are not on-line..so many people know me from my visual work and all my videos are not on-line ! Not anymore...
Got a gig with my band on the 13, with another wicked band called Noblesse ! They are rocking..we will blow that place away, what a great way to start the year, Rock&Roll baby...
So I'm also will be fixing my Myspace and my bands space..i'm making a DVD promo for my band with wicked clips and funny visuals to send it world wide... I'm going to build some more website for my friends the artists, singers and writers that started to see the potential of having an on-line portfolio, myspace really boosted the need for networking skills and when you have it..it fucking works !!!
I also going to start working with a modeling agency, taking photos and building sites...i need to find models to ask prices so I will know how much a model takes for a photoshop and such..let me know if you know something..
I guess playing gaiter till my fingers bleed and writing new songs will be a new daily thing noq...i also going to stop smoking on the 01, not that I smoke that much (1 cigi per day!)...maybe become celibate for a while..did that for a few years..my god I was so into everything when I was doing that...i want more experience, more knowledge and more chilling life...i'm going to dive back into my stones and the healing process...do more diving into reading all those books that collecting dust on my table, writing a blog so I can get all these nonsense of my back...no more kaka!

I feel like reborning...who's with me?!?

Adida The Fallen Angel...

..Hot Coco...




Right....




Can't sleep, again.


Started the day at 7:00AM with HOT COCO! Finally, it's funny that I want to have hot coco every morning but I never wake up in the morning and I never have milk. It's even more funny that I have a shop right around the corner but god knows I will never leave the house to go and get some. The even more more funny funny thing is that when I finally do take the time and courage to go and get milk, it sits in my fridge for exactly the right time for it to go bad! And it will be the same moment when I actually decide to make me a cup of hot coco!!!


Anywho, I think I have a tumor. The pain in my head is growing and some days it's hard to get to sleep or even thing straight, it's like there is a screwdriver stuck in my eye, and it's rusty and it's spinning. I don't know if it's my contact lens gone bad or my glasses not being updated for at least 3 years or the fact that there is no air in the house since everything is wide shot because it's freaky cold outside or because I wear a hoddy on my head all the time or because I don't eat at all or because I'm looking at 2 or 3 screens simultaneously for days on days or maybe it's because I started to smoke cigarettes without filters, straight up cancer! I think it's all of the above, all in one and one for all!




This has to stop...i wand to get a proper sleep, a proper cup of coco, no headaches, new glasses, some breakfast, air and a healthy strong spirit ! I know I can do this, I've done it before, all I need to do is to make the decision final, then I'll be moving forward and not backwards like I think I am, then I will be able to get my wings back, god knows I want them so bad...




...I think I'll open my porch door and let some fresh freezing air in, deiced about how I'm going to fix my life and fix me a cup of hot coco!




Adida The Fallen Angle

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Happy EveryThing...


...It's 17:00 o'clock and I just woke up! My internal and biological clock is going upside down, I have no idea what's going on with me but I can't stop feeling this enormous energy flow all over me.

The past few weeks I have been running back and forth in bed at 5AM trying to get to sleep but can't simply because my brain is washing me with dozens of great ideas and projects I wish to do.

Sometimes it's just too much, I mean I can't sleep! I think it happen last year also, every end of year I suddenly have this rush to fix my whole life in a couple of days, to rebuild everything that I broke and Aline my personal agenda along side with the universal one....

This year I feel it more then ever. I want to do so much, there is so many things I can become better in, there are so many ideas and dreams I think I can actually bring to life and make them come true... This situation drives me nuts....going to sleep at 7AM and waking up at 16:00 ?!? What's that all about ?

Man I cant wait for the first of January, I will feel so much better....clean mind, clean body, clean spirit..i will rise like a burning phoenix...I have seen it...thats why I can't sleep and can't wake up right, it's like judgement call on me. I feels like I must close the book of everything that brings me down before it will take to a place I only visit in my darkest nightmares. I must call quiets on all the chains whether it's smokes, meat, sex, drugs, alcohol, self disrespect, sadness, ego, lust, anger, greed, attachments and everything that just don't feel right anymore...
I must never forget who I really am and what is the main goal of my life....the main goal of my life....the main goal of my life.....


...the main goal of my life...


Adida The Fallen Angel.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Resolutions of a fallen angel...


Well, I never thought I was smart but I do think I'm pretty clever finding out more and more about life by just looking from a far....

You are the smart one among us! You are so smart I think sometimes it hurts. That's why I think you try to fill your life with little things that will make you happy for a very short time while the big things are always under the table waiting for you to finally pick them up, along with your beautiful life that is waiting for you to become so powerful and great and talented and unique and special and strong and amazingly divine in god's eyes...

...maybe I'm a fool for seeing this in almost everyone I meet and maybe it hurts me more then everyone else when I see souls throwing their gifts away like it was yesterdays trash...maybe I worry too much...i mean, karma has a different path for each one of us... Still....i can't help seeing wings of beautiful souls and I feel like a criminal not telling them...

Have a wicked end of the year and get ready for the year of a life time !!! 2007...it's going to be the SHIT !


PEACE AND LOVE..

Adida The Fallen Angel

Saturday, December 23, 2006

A test of strength !


...Right...


So, Ive been working like a mad dog making visuals for an event tonight, an urban culture festival.I got another event tomorrows night also ! That means that I have been working like a doggy on my computer for the past 3-4 days none stop. Yes, I know...it's insane but it is possible. believe me, it's possible.

Anywho, doing that will sometimes give you a hell of a headache since your spending day and night in front of moving screens, this is not healthy! Plus the fact that I'm so into the zone of making it that I forget to eat and take care of myself! Smart boy...

So now I have a mega headache, I'm going to my first visuals gig knowing that I have about 10 hours of hardcore work in front of me, then come back home at 6:00am to start working on the visuals for the same night which will also last till about 6:00..at the same time my computer has been infected with a nasty hijacker which mess my internet connection and make thing disappear from my desktop plus the nightmare I had from my 2 hour sleep a few hours ago about the girl friend I never had which betrayed me so cruelly in that dream that I'm thinking about joining a monastery, plus the fact that I'm going nuts over this nonsense Christmas madness that goes around me, what's with everybody ?!? Don't you know that you can rave and be merry EVERY DAY !!!...whaaa..man, it's painful just to write this !


So, basically what I'm saying is that I complain like a beach! And if I believe in Karma (which I truly do) then this is just another day and another test for my strength, so help me god for I will not let this bullshit take me down...

Peace and love

Adida The Fallen Angel.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Control The Peace ?




...I just realised something, What the Hell dose 'Control the Peace' means ? I always hear it in the news or when I'm watching a movie with police force in it, they always say 'we came to control the peace!', 'The police is here to control the peace', 'the army is here to control the peace!'....?!?

How exactly do one control peace ? Since when dose PEACE needs control ? When you have peace then you are peaceful, right ? Why would you need to control it, you are peaceful ! So why in the name would you come to control someone's peace ? Can someone explain this to me ? I don't get it...funny that at 5:47am I get thoughts like this....

'Control the peace', please ! It should be 'control the piece!'...

Adida The Fallen Angel

Thursday, December 21, 2006

What the Blog ?!?




Right !




I'm not going to try and impress anyone (living or dead!) , I'm not going to try to write my best pieces of literature, I'm not going to even care if you read this or not. (sad but not quite true..)


I'm only doing this because I found out that I have too many wicked (positive wicked ! not the scary witch hunt wicked !) ideas and thought that I always seem to have at 5:32AM when I'm under the covers and always saying to myself (deep inside my head not out loud, that would put me right next to Napoleon ! mad ! and what's with the hand anyway ?!?) but ending up forgetting it and only remembering that I had a great idea or a thought and all I can remember is that I should have made a Blog to write the damn thing !




So that is that ! deal with it.




Adida The Fallen Angel!