The contrast of my heart.

Right, this is a warning, do not read this, you might find something you might like, so, if you want to join in on a passionate emotional roller costar, then, read.

My heart as of this very moment is broken, smashed, demolished, deformed and colorless.
It is no longer a part of my body, it is dead, it is empty and a complete waste of space in my ever burning chest, I am simply waiting for it to vanish completely before I do. one of us will fade away and the other will follow behind. it's a match made in hell and I am on my way to heaven to meet my maker only to see her from outside the gates, for I never had the key to enter, I never had a chance...

ok, now that I got your attention, let's talk about creative writing.
everything I just wrote is true but no longer applied, I simple closed my eyes and took my memories and emotions to a very dark place of my existence, for a second, I was actually there and indeed, death would be a gift but, lucky for me, I am completely fine at the moment, and so is my heart, I just wanted to share something very personal with you, I also wanted to show you that we are all in a position to remind ourselves of our dark or bright past and powerfully enough we can remember and experience events that happen and are now long gone, we can bring them back and I am sure you are doing this a few times a day, do you remember a painful moment? a blissful one? I know you do.

My point is, you are the master of your mind, the guard of your thoughts, you can swim in old memories until they will cloud your awareness completely, you will live in the past, you will be far away from here and from us, you will be gone in your own little prison of choice or, you can look back from a different perspective and realize that past is past and right here, right now is pretty much all you got, so, why spend any more time on bringing back sadness or happiness if you can create a fresh, real experience right this very moment?

Indeed, a good question is on the table.
My trick is to write, to meditate, to think, to paint, to click on this and that, to talk, to share, to run and hide and eventually pop right back and.....most of all....let go. how will I ever fill my hunger for new experiences if all I do is swim in the past? how will I ever learn if not by looking at the mirror and embrace the awareness of who I am? do you know who you are?

I can spend days writing things that will make you cry and love me or I can spend days writing things that make you love me and cry, what would you like? why do we cry? why do we love? is this a human thing? is this a proof of being alive? dose this bond us or split us apart?

mmm....deep deep I go, deep deep, I come back....