The calm of a hurricane's eye.

it's been 10 years since I stared to dive into the spiritual world. it's been the same amount of time since I learned about the changes one can apply on the self, the ability to see clearly what makes us tick, what makes us feel and react the way we do, I notice that with meditation I actually found my true self.

for many years now I have drifted from the social ring I used to dominate, I faded away, I figured that people change and sometimes they don't but you do and you simply don't function equally as you used to around them, I believe everyone can identify with this matter.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't lose the spark of life or the buzz of madness or the need to socialize and be a part of society, it's just that I realized that in my youth I really needed social acceptance and when I was left alone to my thought I would go crazy, I would fear my own mind and would do anything possible to not face them, I would run and hide and use any substance available to keep them thoughts and feelings away, the only Way I would be able to even tell you that I love you was when I was totally drunk or stoned out of my mind, and my gosh, was I ever drunk and stoned.

today, not using these substances I find myself alienated in many occasions, most of the time I bring it on myself and find a way to simply walk away from lack of interest or sheer boredom, I learned to value my time and to spend it wisely on the things that make me happy and can bring a positive outcome to myself and hopefully to my close surroundings, I sure do try and I am positive about the fact that most of the people I call my friends thinks I am a little weird, it's ok, I can live with that, there is always love under the table and you can be sure that the next time you look into my eyes you will see something special that took me 10 years to find for myself.

So, I am like the calm of the hurricans's eye, I am ready to take on the world and I will do it gracefully and without a notice, sometimes I am indeed a storm in the making but the past years I learn to shine bright with almost a transparent quality, well, if you see me on stage you will understand the value of incognito atom bomb, like a flower, I am like a ghost, unnoticed till I open up and show you what I am all about....

fade in and fade out...not a moment to lose....

Unleash the inner Artist...

So..

it's time, no more kaka poopoo mister nice guy, watch the lines, keep inside, sit down and wait kind a shell of a man. it's time to stand up and out, with no audience, with no need of acceptance, with no desire to be approved, just you, just me, just myself expressing my being for the sheer pleasure of self awareness thru art and music.

what's the point to do things for the respect of other, do we live for acceptance? do we do the things we do for appreciation from a follow man? can we enjoy our own doings for only us to see? is there a point to keep secretes? your best work yet? your master piece? collecting dust in the basement...

why am I here? why cant I stop doing those things that I call mine? if I take a picture and no one will ever sees it, will I still love it? will I look at it again? or the fact that someone hates it or loves it makes me feel alive?

Powerful question for a late night session.
I am laying on the floor for hours now, listening to Patti smith talking about NY city and the speed of thing that happened in her life, she moves in a mystical way...

I lay down for hours, looking at the ceiling, letting my mind expand on passing words and sounds, I understand that most of the things I do are to please another, my expectation are far beyond realization, I am a dreamer but lately I would love a cup of reality. simplicity, aloneness drives me to enjoy my own company, I should be my best friend, you should too.
Imagine humans happy doing their hearts desire without the need to be approved by another, unaffected by opinions and critics, contant people, moving to the beat of their own hearts, enjoying eachother and themselves for the simple fact of being...

What a day that would be, mmm, maybe I am losing my mind...
Are we afraid to be true to ourselves? what is this crazy social pressure? it changes faster then the seasons, its impossible to keep up, it's a suicidal quest! I'm dropping out, I believe we are capable of being equally strong, passionate and hungry for personal achievement, that we can do it for the pure love of doing, living, letting it out and keep on driving down the road, the path which is personally ours.

I think all this containment is what keeps us losing our minds, having heavy hearts and sick relationships, being nice, what is that all about? why not just being true, for once!

why not?!

Why am I in love with Photography.

OK.

Don't know quite how to explain myself about this wide subject but I will give it a shot(get it? a shot?!?boy I need a girlfriend)...

I guess for me, the possibility to stop time and eternalize a moment is very powerful, like a superhero hidden force of some kind. I find it amazing, the idea of capturing a fragment of reality and stretch it's existence for further study. True, I do sound a little clever here, even for my own standers, don't worry, I shell expose myself fully.

I don't remember how I got into Photography or even when or where it happen, as far as I can remember, it all started yesterday or the day before I came into this world, maybe the day I realized I have eyes or the minute I saw something and wished I could look at it forever...

who really knows?!

What I do know is that I am obsesses with it, I cant stop clicking, I still think I am a little man, low self esteem and far far from being called a Photographer, don't worry, I will get over it one day. I notice that since I started traveling I had no way to communicate with the people I care about and even less options to show them what happened to me on my path of choice, that's where Photography started to make sense to me, if I cant tell them then maybe I can show them?
I realized that when something amazing happen to me the first person around me will get the full ensembled piece of story but the second and the third person will get a shorter version and so on and so on, until the story will pile itself up into a few lines with no expression on my face. Photography is perfect solution for this case, the picture is not a story but it can be an amazing continuance of that specific experience you wish to show and tell about, plus it saves me a lot of words and wasted time, they say one image worth a thousand words, and believe me, it's true! maybe even more, who's counting anyway?

When I was younger I had serious problems expressing myself to people, the words never seem to come out right, I guess I had deep problems with confrontations and so called 'feelings', as I grew I notice that I don't have to use words to tell people how I feel, I can use Art, Music and lately, yes, Photography! I found it's a brave way to share one's life and every shot I take means something to me, you can really peel me layer by later by looking at my photos, you can see how I title them and expose parts of myself to the world(my emotional state, not my body parts, well, maybe sometimes, if needed I will reach that level also).
I want to tell the world what I see and since I don't have time to talk to everyone all the time I use Photography to communicate. I find it's so easy to explain things by pictures, as a heavy dyslectic creature (I use a spell checker all the time, if I try to write this without it you would think I am 9 years old...mmm, maybe 7!) I find it much easier to just show you want I mean then to try to blast everything with words and hand gestures...

so, are we starting to understand each other? good!

life goes by pretty fast, damn fast if you ask me, have you ever cried looking at a movie? a special moment that reached your heart? all the way down to the core? have you ever felt so happy while listening to a song? something you cant explain but simply triggered an emotional reaction that moved you? well, that is what I am all about and everything I do is to reach that reaction, I am here on earth to move you and I expect you to do your best to move me...if the only way I know we are here, alive.

So Photography for me is a tool to move, to get you closer to your inner feelings, a tool for you to see me in shades you didn't even know exist, it a way for me to show you how I see you, how you effect me, how this world unveil itself to me, I want you to understand me and I will do what ever it take, it's true that I don't expect you to get me or my art but you cant blame me for giving it my best shot, right? it's like an addiction for clarity, an addiction to be appreciated maybe, my gosh, you see how I opened up here...my god, writing is a blessing in disguise.

I know I can write more and more about Photography (I'm sure in the future I will go even deeper on this) but, I notice now that it's only a tool, a tool to be understood, a vessel of self expression, a means to an end of a starting point that can connect me to you and the rest. There is no better or worst photographer and no matter how good or bad your gear is (and trust me, I feel super small when I bump into a photographer with lenses that are bigger then a subway sandwich and always and I do mean ALWAYS feel like a kid with a broken toy in a sandbox full with kids with the newest toys, I know, low self esteem, thank god I don't let this get to me too much!) , it's all about the moment, the click and the ripple effect it cause on a personal basis, that is why you too can reach that level, in any form of self expression, personally I want to know who I am and the fact that I can find out about myself with different form of expression makes me wake up in the morning...

We all win here, the object and the man behind the cam(unless of course you use your art to lower someone else's existence, sadly this also is a form of self expression but I am not really sure it's a positive one or bring fruits, who am I to judge anyway, I am 7 years old!).
Nothing lasts, even photos fade, and no one can stop time, I guess photos do stop it for a short moment, creating history as we go deep into the future, I do know that we are incharge of our emotions and we can go back to each part and bring back joy or pain, I use photography as a trigger to my awareness and Hoping that one day someone will figure me out...

Click!

P.S
I didn't write for a long time and I see that it takes time to get in shape so excuse me if this is a mishmash of my personal blah blah, I do know now one is reading this so I am telling myself to get sharp so it would be easy for me to understand myself, boy o boy, I need a girlfriend!!!

Sunshine Frost.

Right.
I live in a little room attached to a music studio out here in the woods in a little village called Saint - Colomban, Quebec(which is in Canada, Google it!).
Now, to most of you, that last line meant absolutely nothing!
So let me explain, i moved here about a year ago from the Netherlands (that's in Europe!!! Google it!), now, I can write an hour about my life there but I think it's too much for one reader! slowly but surly I will open up to you about my life but for now all you need to know is that I wanted a change and Canada sounded like the perfect medical solution! and it did...or did it?
Anywho, I got here because my band (spoonliquor, Google it!) decided to record it's first album in this music studio I have mention before, and we did, when we finished they when back to the Netherlands and I decided to move here, I fell in love with this place, or maybe I had enough of my life back in Europe, only god knows! The idea was that they will come one day, that day is still pretty vague but, well, I am still here...or am I?

so, what a boy to do? I guess I started to simply fill my time with the things that make me happy, and creative (signs of fear of being bored maybe?), and today I found myself sitting for an hour staring at the sun, letting it melt on my face, looking outside the studio window, looking at all the white and woods around, looking....looking...doing nothing but breathing....

Felt very much alive and out of my element, felt bloody good and for some rezone, I forgot where I was or the point of it all, I guess you can call it peace or bliss or eternal connection or maybe just a good vibration....

so, I decided to shear it with you, nobody you. how lucky you are right?
what I have learned from this experience is that it's really not important where you are or how far (or close) you are from your dreams. Bitterness, anger, envy, sadness, all of that nonsense can melt, melt and fade away with a blink of an eye, the point it, you need to make it go away, no one else will do it for you, it's very personal, and very powerful if you think about it...

I notice that I spend too much time swimming in waste thoughts, really, what's the point? none! The fact that everything melted in the sun was a beautiful form of awareness to me, it also melted my dreams and desires which felt even better then the melting of my negativities...kind of a freedom only a true soul can be aware of...once again, it felt good.
The fact that I am in full control on this feeling made me happy, the face that I don't even need the sun to reach this awareness made me peaceful, the face that everything melts and that I don't need to reach a specific level of struggle or fame made me contact, made me enjoy the moment...

made me be here, now!

so, that's that.

now what?...................I tell you what, sharing! that's what!

Knee deep in snow and sun. SpoonLiquor Canadian experience...

Right.

I have been wanting to write about our experience of the Canadian vibration since the first day we landed in Montreal but, I have been so drifted away from the computer that it actually felt hard to sit down and turn it on...Funny that back in Rotterdam I have no problem sitting day and night writing and designing my styles, here, I find the silence and peacefulness so powerful, I simply can't find the time to express myself on-line...quite an impressive experience I must say...

Anywho...we have been here for almost 3 weeks now, it's one of the most powerful rides into sounds and vision I ever been in. Chilling in a wicked beautiful house in St. Colomban (which is about one hour drive north from Montreal city, somewhere in the Quebec region), Knee deep in country side, snow all around us, trees everywhere and sweet beautiful stillness..I love it.We felt at home on the first day, the vibe here is unique and delightful, It's been a long time since I've been so relaxed and refreshed... When I walk to my place of sleep after a long hard day of musicial explosions I stop sometimes in the middle of nowhere just to listen to the pure silence that surrounds me...it's deafening, the total atmosphere of nothingness clears my mind and heart and I can really feel the movement of time as everything become still...

Our day is pretty simple, we wake up early, have some tea and bagels and go straight to the studio to make music, from sun rise till stars sets. Our first week here was more of 'getting the feeling of what's up!' we took road trips, got to know the family and friends and look around with amazement of how people and society exists in a place we haven't been before... the souls here are magical, the Canadian vibe is welcoming and intellectually entertaining, it's true about people not locking their doors here, people simple live here with passion of creation and not in fear or the unknown... it's super cold but the sun shines almost everyday and the beauty of it all just makes you want to hug something or someone and make the best of it. I believe we couldn't have gotten a better deal, we have the studio for ourselves which gives us full control over the creation department, it's refreshing to have such power, we are truly blessed. feels like divine intervention, as if all roads lead to making this adventure as powerful and explosive as possible, music wise and personal vibes.

Don't get me wrong that everything is cream cheese, bagels and hockey. we have hard days too, we are all financially broke and time is running out on us and we would really REALLY want to make this the best album ever. somedays we try new things and they crash like zeppelins and somedays we come up with unreal new sounds that would make you flip your lid. We never been so close to each other since the band started many years ago, actually only now I am starting to get to know my band members, the ability to make music everyday is one of the best feeling I ever had in my life, it's also sometimes pretty hard on the mind too, constant attention to details and the drive for perfection sometimes gets you off track and makes you forget the big picture. still, me are truly making magic here and capturing it on tape. it's beyond words... beyond I tell'yha!

so, we got about 10 more days here, and we shifting gears into a higher groove. personally, I never sang better and we are all making totally improvement of every note we ever invented, copied or pasted. We push each other to the maximum capacity of our own abilities.This album will rock your boat and will make you shade a tear of joy and sadness of beauty and life changing vibrations, or, it will simply suck globule ass! anyway you look at it, it makes us stronger and that means that it's good!!! and good it what we are all about.....more news coming soon...

Spoonliquor snow cones massive...

For more delicious tastes just go here: http://spoonliquor.com/