Unleash the inner Artist...

So..

it's time, no more kaka poopoo mister nice guy, watch the lines, keep inside, sit down and wait kind a shell of a man. it's time to stand up and out, with no audience, with no need of acceptance, with no desire to be approved, just you, just me, just myself expressing my being for the sheer pleasure of self awareness thru art and music.

what's the point to do things for the respect of other, do we live for acceptance? do we do the things we do for appreciation from a follow man? can we enjoy our own doings for only us to see? is there a point to keep secretes? your best work yet? your master piece? collecting dust in the basement...

why am I here? why cant I stop doing those things that I call mine? if I take a picture and no one will ever sees it, will I still love it? will I look at it again? or the fact that someone hates it or loves it makes me feel alive?

Powerful question for a late night session.
I am laying on the floor for hours now, listening to Patti smith talking about NY city and the speed of thing that happened in her life, she moves in a mystical way...

I lay down for hours, looking at the ceiling, letting my mind expand on passing words and sounds, I understand that most of the things I do are to please another, my expectation are far beyond realization, I am a dreamer but lately I would love a cup of reality. simplicity, aloneness drives me to enjoy my own company, I should be my best friend, you should too.
Imagine humans happy doing their hearts desire without the need to be approved by another, unaffected by opinions and critics, contant people, moving to the beat of their own hearts, enjoying eachother and themselves for the simple fact of being...

What a day that would be, mmm, maybe I am losing my mind...
Are we afraid to be true to ourselves? what is this crazy social pressure? it changes faster then the seasons, its impossible to keep up, it's a suicidal quest! I'm dropping out, I believe we are capable of being equally strong, passionate and hungry for personal achievement, that we can do it for the pure love of doing, living, letting it out and keep on driving down the road, the path which is personally ours.

I think all this containment is what keeps us losing our minds, having heavy hearts and sick relationships, being nice, what is that all about? why not just being true, for once!

why not?!

Why am I in love with Photography.

OK.

Don't know quite how to explain myself about this wide subject but I will give it a shot(get it? a shot?!?boy I need a girlfriend)...

I guess for me, the possibility to stop time and eternalize a moment is very powerful, like a superhero hidden force of some kind. I find it amazing, the idea of capturing a fragment of reality and stretch it's existence for further study. True, I do sound a little clever here, even for my own standers, don't worry, I shell expose myself fully.

I don't remember how I got into Photography or even when or where it happen, as far as I can remember, it all started yesterday or the day before I came into this world, maybe the day I realized I have eyes or the minute I saw something and wished I could look at it forever...

who really knows?!

What I do know is that I am obsesses with it, I cant stop clicking, I still think I am a little man, low self esteem and far far from being called a Photographer, don't worry, I will get over it one day. I notice that since I started traveling I had no way to communicate with the people I care about and even less options to show them what happened to me on my path of choice, that's where Photography started to make sense to me, if I cant tell them then maybe I can show them?
I realized that when something amazing happen to me the first person around me will get the full ensembled piece of story but the second and the third person will get a shorter version and so on and so on, until the story will pile itself up into a few lines with no expression on my face. Photography is perfect solution for this case, the picture is not a story but it can be an amazing continuance of that specific experience you wish to show and tell about, plus it saves me a lot of words and wasted time, they say one image worth a thousand words, and believe me, it's true! maybe even more, who's counting anyway?

When I was younger I had serious problems expressing myself to people, the words never seem to come out right, I guess I had deep problems with confrontations and so called 'feelings', as I grew I notice that I don't have to use words to tell people how I feel, I can use Art, Music and lately, yes, Photography! I found it's a brave way to share one's life and every shot I take means something to me, you can really peel me layer by later by looking at my photos, you can see how I title them and expose parts of myself to the world(my emotional state, not my body parts, well, maybe sometimes, if needed I will reach that level also).
I want to tell the world what I see and since I don't have time to talk to everyone all the time I use Photography to communicate. I find it's so easy to explain things by pictures, as a heavy dyslectic creature (I use a spell checker all the time, if I try to write this without it you would think I am 9 years old...mmm, maybe 7!) I find it much easier to just show you want I mean then to try to blast everything with words and hand gestures...

so, are we starting to understand each other? good!

life goes by pretty fast, damn fast if you ask me, have you ever cried looking at a movie? a special moment that reached your heart? all the way down to the core? have you ever felt so happy while listening to a song? something you cant explain but simply triggered an emotional reaction that moved you? well, that is what I am all about and everything I do is to reach that reaction, I am here on earth to move you and I expect you to do your best to move me...if the only way I know we are here, alive.

So Photography for me is a tool to move, to get you closer to your inner feelings, a tool for you to see me in shades you didn't even know exist, it a way for me to show you how I see you, how you effect me, how this world unveil itself to me, I want you to understand me and I will do what ever it take, it's true that I don't expect you to get me or my art but you cant blame me for giving it my best shot, right? it's like an addiction for clarity, an addiction to be appreciated maybe, my gosh, you see how I opened up here...my god, writing is a blessing in disguise.

I know I can write more and more about Photography (I'm sure in the future I will go even deeper on this) but, I notice now that it's only a tool, a tool to be understood, a vessel of self expression, a means to an end of a starting point that can connect me to you and the rest. There is no better or worst photographer and no matter how good or bad your gear is (and trust me, I feel super small when I bump into a photographer with lenses that are bigger then a subway sandwich and always and I do mean ALWAYS feel like a kid with a broken toy in a sandbox full with kids with the newest toys, I know, low self esteem, thank god I don't let this get to me too much!) , it's all about the moment, the click and the ripple effect it cause on a personal basis, that is why you too can reach that level, in any form of self expression, personally I want to know who I am and the fact that I can find out about myself with different form of expression makes me wake up in the morning...

We all win here, the object and the man behind the cam(unless of course you use your art to lower someone else's existence, sadly this also is a form of self expression but I am not really sure it's a positive one or bring fruits, who am I to judge anyway, I am 7 years old!).
Nothing lasts, even photos fade, and no one can stop time, I guess photos do stop it for a short moment, creating history as we go deep into the future, I do know that we are incharge of our emotions and we can go back to each part and bring back joy or pain, I use photography as a trigger to my awareness and Hoping that one day someone will figure me out...

Click!

P.S
I didn't write for a long time and I see that it takes time to get in shape so excuse me if this is a mishmash of my personal blah blah, I do know now one is reading this so I am telling myself to get sharp so it would be easy for me to understand myself, boy o boy, I need a girlfriend!!!

2008, here we go!!!

one more time brothers and sisters, confession session for the new year, here is my resolution!!
Have a great year, make this one count.

2008, Here we go.

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