I'm swimming in tears.

O my sweet lord.
look, I am a sensitive spirit and it's been many years now since I started to look straight in the face of issues I never thought I would care when I was younger.
for the past decade I decided to change my life from been an ignorant little prick to an active human being with a positive attitude and a caring heart, this is taking me every minute of my time here on earth and I am not even close to be the man I dream to be or look in the mirror.
I care about many issues which most of the people around me simply look the other way, it breaks my heart on a daily basis to see how we as a collective amazing species can reach such a high level of self destruct, not to mention the globule environmental damage we are creating with pretty much every action we ignorantly do.

there isn't a day I don't cry for one rezone or another, mostly from shock and embracement of what I know and that I am only one here trying to simply, be good.

If you notice that some of my posts in this blog contain video clips about the world we live in, they are painful, shocking and very personal sides of truth reflected in different forms of self expression thru media, they are very important to me and many others they don't like the way things are going on this beautiful blue planet which either way you look at it, is it and always be our only home.

I notice that ignorance is a plague among us and many (just like myself many years ago) are blind by the main stream current of the secret agendas of the money manipulators. I for one cannot take it or hold my mouth and eyes closed pretending things just don't happen and that everything is going to be alright...i wont be able to live with myself knowing I know something and didn't do anything about it, to me, that is pissing into karmas eye! it will definitely come back to hunt me...i am sure about it.

so, again, as you can I am emotional about this, I am human under these masks, I am a soul that vibrates, I care. I know one a small percentage will care like I do or even be moved by the scenes I see in my mind, I know little about a lot and I spend time everyday to find out more and more about the truth and the masks covering it. I know no one will read this (crossing fingers hard!) or care about it but I cant just simply not write about it. If the people who did all those movies, or wrote those books, or songs or made their most power efforts to tell the world what they saw and experience would just simple give up then we will all be lost in an ocean of our own confusion, we will never learn about the world and the people in it, we will lost, blind...

so here I am again trying to share something.
I just saw a documentary titled 'the cove', it's a shocking powerful film, here is a little info about it: The Cove exposes the slaughter of more than 20,000 dolphins and porpoises in Taiji, Japan every year, and how their meat, containing toxic levels of mercury, is being sold as food in Japan and other parts of Asia, often labeled as whale meat. The majority of the world is not aware this is happening as the Taiji cove is blocked off from the public. The focus of the Social Action Campaign for The Cove is to create worldwide awareness of this annual practice as well as the dangers of eating seafood contaminated with mercury and to pressure those in power to put an end to the slaughter.

After seeing this I had to write what you just had read, watch this movie if you can. I know you are a very busy person but I am sure even you can take a minute to think about your daily actions and how they ripple your home and environment.



if you want to know more go here: http://www.takepart.com/thecove

Why am I in love with Photography.

OK.

Don't know quite how to explain myself about this wide subject but I will give it a shot(get it? a shot?!?boy I need a girlfriend)...

I guess for me, the possibility to stop time and eternalize a moment is very powerful, like a superhero hidden force of some kind. I find it amazing, the idea of capturing a fragment of reality and stretch it's existence for further study. True, I do sound a little clever here, even for my own standers, don't worry, I shell expose myself fully.

I don't remember how I got into Photography or even when or where it happen, as far as I can remember, it all started yesterday or the day before I came into this world, maybe the day I realized I have eyes or the minute I saw something and wished I could look at it forever...

who really knows?!

What I do know is that I am obsesses with it, I cant stop clicking, I still think I am a little man, low self esteem and far far from being called a Photographer, don't worry, I will get over it one day. I notice that since I started traveling I had no way to communicate with the people I care about and even less options to show them what happened to me on my path of choice, that's where Photography started to make sense to me, if I cant tell them then maybe I can show them?
I realized that when something amazing happen to me the first person around me will get the full ensembled piece of story but the second and the third person will get a shorter version and so on and so on, until the story will pile itself up into a few lines with no expression on my face. Photography is perfect solution for this case, the picture is not a story but it can be an amazing continuance of that specific experience you wish to show and tell about, plus it saves me a lot of words and wasted time, they say one image worth a thousand words, and believe me, it's true! maybe even more, who's counting anyway?

When I was younger I had serious problems expressing myself to people, the words never seem to come out right, I guess I had deep problems with confrontations and so called 'feelings', as I grew I notice that I don't have to use words to tell people how I feel, I can use Art, Music and lately, yes, Photography! I found it's a brave way to share one's life and every shot I take means something to me, you can really peel me layer by later by looking at my photos, you can see how I title them and expose parts of myself to the world(my emotional state, not my body parts, well, maybe sometimes, if needed I will reach that level also).
I want to tell the world what I see and since I don't have time to talk to everyone all the time I use Photography to communicate. I find it's so easy to explain things by pictures, as a heavy dyslectic creature (I use a spell checker all the time, if I try to write this without it you would think I am 9 years old...mmm, maybe 7!) I find it much easier to just show you want I mean then to try to blast everything with words and hand gestures...

so, are we starting to understand each other? good!

life goes by pretty fast, damn fast if you ask me, have you ever cried looking at a movie? a special moment that reached your heart? all the way down to the core? have you ever felt so happy while listening to a song? something you cant explain but simply triggered an emotional reaction that moved you? well, that is what I am all about and everything I do is to reach that reaction, I am here on earth to move you and I expect you to do your best to move me...if the only way I know we are here, alive.

So Photography for me is a tool to move, to get you closer to your inner feelings, a tool for you to see me in shades you didn't even know exist, it a way for me to show you how I see you, how you effect me, how this world unveil itself to me, I want you to understand me and I will do what ever it take, it's true that I don't expect you to get me or my art but you cant blame me for giving it my best shot, right? it's like an addiction for clarity, an addiction to be appreciated maybe, my gosh, you see how I opened up here...my god, writing is a blessing in disguise.

I know I can write more and more about Photography (I'm sure in the future I will go even deeper on this) but, I notice now that it's only a tool, a tool to be understood, a vessel of self expression, a means to an end of a starting point that can connect me to you and the rest. There is no better or worst photographer and no matter how good or bad your gear is (and trust me, I feel super small when I bump into a photographer with lenses that are bigger then a subway sandwich and always and I do mean ALWAYS feel like a kid with a broken toy in a sandbox full with kids with the newest toys, I know, low self esteem, thank god I don't let this get to me too much!) , it's all about the moment, the click and the ripple effect it cause on a personal basis, that is why you too can reach that level, in any form of self expression, personally I want to know who I am and the fact that I can find out about myself with different form of expression makes me wake up in the morning...

We all win here, the object and the man behind the cam(unless of course you use your art to lower someone else's existence, sadly this also is a form of self expression but I am not really sure it's a positive one or bring fruits, who am I to judge anyway, I am 7 years old!).
Nothing lasts, even photos fade, and no one can stop time, I guess photos do stop it for a short moment, creating history as we go deep into the future, I do know that we are incharge of our emotions and we can go back to each part and bring back joy or pain, I use photography as a trigger to my awareness and Hoping that one day someone will figure me out...

Click!

P.S
I didn't write for a long time and I see that it takes time to get in shape so excuse me if this is a mishmash of my personal blah blah, I do know now one is reading this so I am telling myself to get sharp so it would be easy for me to understand myself, boy o boy, I need a girlfriend!!!

Sunshine Frost.

Right.
I live in a little room attached to a music studio out here in the woods in a little village called Saint - Colomban, Quebec(which is in Canada, Google it!).
Now, to most of you, that last line meant absolutely nothing!
So let me explain, i moved here about a year ago from the Netherlands (that's in Europe!!! Google it!), now, I can write an hour about my life there but I think it's too much for one reader! slowly but surly I will open up to you about my life but for now all you need to know is that I wanted a change and Canada sounded like the perfect medical solution! and it did...or did it?
Anywho, I got here because my band (spoonliquor, Google it!) decided to record it's first album in this music studio I have mention before, and we did, when we finished they when back to the Netherlands and I decided to move here, I fell in love with this place, or maybe I had enough of my life back in Europe, only god knows! The idea was that they will come one day, that day is still pretty vague but, well, I am still here...or am I?

so, what a boy to do? I guess I started to simply fill my time with the things that make me happy, and creative (signs of fear of being bored maybe?), and today I found myself sitting for an hour staring at the sun, letting it melt on my face, looking outside the studio window, looking at all the white and woods around, looking....looking...doing nothing but breathing....

Felt very much alive and out of my element, felt bloody good and for some rezone, I forgot where I was or the point of it all, I guess you can call it peace or bliss or eternal connection or maybe just a good vibration....

so, I decided to shear it with you, nobody you. how lucky you are right?
what I have learned from this experience is that it's really not important where you are or how far (or close) you are from your dreams. Bitterness, anger, envy, sadness, all of that nonsense can melt, melt and fade away with a blink of an eye, the point it, you need to make it go away, no one else will do it for you, it's very personal, and very powerful if you think about it...

I notice that I spend too much time swimming in waste thoughts, really, what's the point? none! The fact that everything melted in the sun was a beautiful form of awareness to me, it also melted my dreams and desires which felt even better then the melting of my negativities...kind of a freedom only a true soul can be aware of...once again, it felt good.
The fact that I am in full control on this feeling made me happy, the face that I don't even need the sun to reach this awareness made me peaceful, the face that everything melts and that I don't need to reach a specific level of struggle or fame made me contact, made me enjoy the moment...

made me be here, now!

so, that's that.

now what?...................I tell you what, sharing! that's what!

Should I write or should I go?!?

Ok.

I now have realized that I have this blog for 4 years, my gosh how time flies.
as I looked into my blogging I notice that I post many links that impressed me concerning the world we live in, this is all good but it's not really writing about me personally now is it?
true! it's not, so, I guess I think I should start writing more a little about myself, honestly I don't think anyone read this but lately many people told I should write, like, really write since they read pieces of my mind and they believe I might get somewhere doing it more often...

so, to whom it might concern, here I am, starting to write a little more!

what do you think?

Adam Curtis and his way of seeing things..

Adam Curtis (born 1955) is a British television documentary maker who has during the course of his television career worked as a writer, producer, director and narrator. He currently works for BBC Current Affairs. His programmes express a clear (and sometimes controversial) opinion about their subject, and he narrates the programmes himself.

Basically, I love his movies, powerful and right up in your face! check them out, open your mind a little...take a walk on the dark side of your mood...

you can find most of his work here: http://www.rewtube.com/

I would recommend you start with these 3:
The Trap (2007)
The Power of Nightmares (2004)
The Century of the Self (2002)

here is a taste!

...THE PLANET DOCUMENTARY...

Powerful and moving.
I believe it's important for us humans to check and recheck our actions and reactions. time is running out and what we enjoy toady might not be there tomorrow.

There is only one planet and it has its limits
Swedish documentary 'The Planet' 2006 By Michael Stenberg, Johan Soderberg and Linus Torell.

A real must see. This documentary lays down facts, figures, and themes regarding the state of the planet in a very accessible way. As a previous reviewer said, it is more "intense" than an Inconvenient Truth, but I hardly think any of the concepts presented are hard to take in - in fact, due to the number of interviews, the film manages to take the viewer through a range of issues regarding the state of the planet, without ever losing focus of its basic message - that we must do something NOW. A well put together soundtrack enhances the narrative. Well worth the watch. But god, we've really stuffed this planet up. (taken from IMDB)